Why Is He So Clueless?

Why do I have to spell things out - shouldn’t my husband just open his eyes and see what I need?  I’m not expecting him to be a mind reader or anything. OK, maybe I am.  But shouldn't he be that tuned in to me?

It’s so unromantic to tell him what I want - he should just know! If I have to ask, I may as well do it myself, right?

WRONG! 

My siddur is falling apart.  I finally found a siddur that I love. It is just the right size and weight, perfect-sized lettering, and exact nusach.  It’s not pretty or fancy, but it works for me. 

Except that the cover is falling off, and the pages are loose. I really want a new one.

For some reason, instead of just buying myself a new siddur, I decided I wanted my husband to get it for me as a gift. Who doesn’t love getting a present?

So a week and a half ago, I showed it to him and said, “My siddur is falling apart.”  Not, “I would love a new siddur,” which would have been a pure desire that he would have pounced on.  Instead, I went down the old dirt road of hinting and hoping he would get it.  I usually land in a ditch on that path. 

He offered to tape it up.  Nope.  I didn't want that.  He offered to get it bound.  I shot that down - too tight. I need my siddur to fall open easily. He was groping in the dark for how to please me. 

Duh!  Just say it!

“Do you want me to buy you a new one?” he said, finally catching on.

“I would love that!” I beamed.

He examined it and asked if it should have the same type of lettering.  I didn't want something similar.  “I would love this exact siddur,” I enthused -  finally, finally clueing him in on what I really wanted. 

Why not just say that right from the start?  What’s with the beating around the bush?  What was I so afraid of?

Meanwhile, I’ve been using my old beat-up siddur for the past week or so.  No new siddur appeared.  I kept my mouth shut, trusting he was taking care of it.  And also wondering, did he forget?  Should I just get it myself?

Yesterday, he picked up my old siddur and said, “I’ve been to every Judaica store in town.”  We live in Lakewood, so that’s a LOT of places, B”H.  “I’ve visited every single sefarim site online.  It's out of print in nusach Ashkenaz. Would you like a different one, or should I tape it up?” 

Instead of feeling disappointed, I felt a surge of unadulterated joy.  My husband went to the ends of the earth to make me happy.  And I knew nothing about it.  I thought he had forgotten about my siddur.  He was taking care of it in his own way, on his timeline, and expended much more time and energy than I would have done.  He wanted nothing more than to see me smile.

I beamed at him and opted for the tape.  I can’t wait to use my taped-up siddur - it will remind me every day how much my husband loves me and how unproductive it is to not give him the opportunity to show that to me.