The Simplest Way to Transform Your Marriage

When I was first introduced to Laura Doyle's skills, I couldn’t think of a single thing I was grateful for about my husband. I was so stuck in my negative perception of him that I found a dark, ulterior motive for everything he did!

If he took care of the grocery shopping, I huffed that he was trying to control my spending. I cried that he hated my cooking if he offered to cook dinner. If he offered to drive the kids to school, I felt he was criticizing my time management…You get the idea. 

The second I decided to shift my mindset, my life and marriage improved drastically. And that’s because gratitude is not just a nice idea — it has the power to completely change your life.

Adopting an Attitude of Gratitude

Ever heard the expression, “Think good, and it will be good?” Well, that’s exactly how it works. My perception creates reality. When I refocus my view with gratitude, I'm getting two for the price of one! Not only will I change my perspective, but I'll also change how others—most importantly, my husband—respond to me. 

For example, I used to be consumed by how terrible of a provider my husband was. I thought about it constantly, and of course, my husband caught on. He saw right through my “subtle” suggestions on how he could make more money. Eventually, his earnings shrank more and more. When I started focusing on gratitude and telling him he was a good provider, his business suddenly started to improve. Coincidence? I think not. 

Similarly, if I show appreciation to my husband for doing something, he’ll actually do more of it. I used to be worried that if I thanked my husband for taking out the trash, he would think it’s optional and stop doing it! Turns out, just the opposite is true. The more I notice and appreciate my husband’s efforts, the more motivated he is to do things that make me happy. 

Lead By Example

You may be thinking, “Hey, I also work really hard! Why is no one showing ME appreciation?” You’re right — you do deserve appreciation for everything you do, too. But just because you’re doing so much doesn’t mean you shouldn't thank him for what he does. Everybody likes to be appreciated! 

And husbands learn quickly! If I express gratitude towards him, I'm almost guaranteed to get it back in return. My client Miriam* was not happy about expressing gratitude to her husband. However, through lots of encouragement and support, she finally agreed and started thanking her husband consistently with zero expectations. Halfway through the week, her husband completely surprised her by saying, “You’ve really taught me that we need to appreciate each other more. Thank you for making dinner tonight.” 

Instead of focusing on how her husband didn’t show her appreciation, which she couldn’t do anything about, Miriam decided to look at her own actions. As soon as she became willing to change her behavior, she transformed the entire relationship dynamic. 

Put It In Action

Now that you caught a glimpse of the power of gratitude, here’s a few fun ways to get started:

• Write handwritten thank you notes! Pro tip: Leave them where he’ll notice, like his desk or next to his keys.
• Send surprise appreciation texts! Pro tip: Be specific! Even if it’s about something simple. i.e. thanks for taking Shmuel to the dentist - you’re such a devoted father!

The more gratitude you pour on, the more positivity, light, and happiness you’ll be bringing to your marriage. Go for it!

For one-on-one guidance with a Certified Laura Doyle Relationship Coach, reach out to Shalom Bayis Agency! Our dream is to help you achieve yours. If you want to transform your marriage, we’d love to hear from you!