The Secret to Getting Your Husband to Take Initiative
Are you frustrated that your husband is not helping out? Are you overwhelmed and exhausted and wish he would step up to the plate?
You are definitely not alone. But there is hope, and specific things you can do that can quickly turn your husband into your superhero and make your life feel easier, even if you’re scared that things will never improve. Imagine if your husband eagerly did things for you with a smile rather than you having to ask, cry, or beg repeatedly.
Leah's marriage was struggling. There was tension and arguing, which made them both feel distant and pretty unhappy.
She was going to counseling to vent about her husband. Leah heard about the skills I teach and figured she had nothing to lose by giving them a shot. She got her first chance when her husband asked what she wanted him to do about the oven that just broke. Despite her intense fear that he would drop the ball and she would have no way to make Shabbos, she bravely said, “Whatever you think.”
He stared at her strangely and said, “I really need you to tell me what to do.” That was how she had trained him, either telling him how to do something step-by-step or doing it herself. This time, Leah stuck to her phrase, “Whatever you think.” And she even added, “I trust you.” Her husband stood up straighter, figured out who to call, and got it fixed the next day.
Not only did he take charge, but to Leah's astonishment, she felt the chilly tension that had hung between them for so long begin to warm up.
She quit counseling and got a coach to learn these skills. She discovered how to express her needs to her husband while maintaining her dignity. She learned how to tell him that she would love help and she was amazed that he became inspired to do it.
You might think it would never work with your husband, who doesn’t care what you want. He might be busy dealing with feelings of being criticized, even though you’re just trying to help him. Defending himself will take precedence over his desire to make you happy.
For instance, do you typically say, “Why are all these dishes in the sink? Why can’t anyone help around here?” and then expect him to jump up and start loading the dishwasher immediately? But he doesn’t even seem to hear you.
Even if he is so far from being in touch with what you need, you can still awaken the hero within him and ignite that powerful instinct to make you happy. If you feel like your husband doesn’t have that instinct, that’s what Leah thought, too. She was absolutely convinced he didn’t care about her happiness at all. But she was wrong.
Maybe it’s worth experimenting with a new approach. You may find that you won’t even have to ask him to do the dishes because he already took care of them and is on to looking for the next thing he can do to make you happy.
View My Free Training to Learn more skills that will help you create a peaceful, happy relationship today!
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