The Art of Receiving Graciously

Picture the absolute definition of a martyr, and I can assure you that was me. Before I learned about receiving graciously, I was the worst receiver you could imagine. 

I would brush off compliments, refuse assistance, and protest gifts. I don’t know what it was that made me cringe so badly, but I couldn’t receive anything from anyone with just a smile and a thank you. 

In terms of my husband, after hearing countless times that I disliked the presents he picked out for me, he simply stopped giving them. After criticizing the way he cleaned up the kitchen, he stopped offering. After declining his invitations to go out together because I had too much to do, he stopped extending them. 

So there I was, exhausted from doing everything on my own and burning with anger at my husband for not being “a good husband.” Obviously, I had created my own predicament, but I was blind to it at the time. It’s much more fun to feel righteously indignant than to listen to logic, am I right? 

However, after discovering Laura Doyle’s skills and working with my amazing coach, I realized where I’d gone wrong. There’s no virtue in being a martyr! In fact, the feminine quality of receiving with grace will draw your husband to you and make him want to do more. 

Is receiving graciously hard? Totally! Is it still super important to do? Absolutely! 

Nowadays, I work tirelessly to recognize situations where I can give both myself and my husband the gift of receiving graciously. This has strengthened our marriage by leaps and bounds. He feels good, I feel good, and our relationship is thriving!

I look at the times I’ve received graciously as major wins and celebrate each one!  When my husband invited me to go for a walk with him last night, I really had no interest. I was tired and looking forward to a relaxing evening at home. But I decided to accept his invitation, and we ended up having a fantastic time together. And bonus — he even took me out for ice cream! Had I said “no,” like in the old days, I would have missed out on so much. 

Another time I caught myself and chose to receive graciously was after Shabbos was over. I was clearing the table, and my husband started to help. I felt myself about to say, “It’s fine, I’ve got it,” like I used to, but instead, I thanked him effusively for his help. He smiled, we cleaned the room faster, and our relationship received a happy little boost. You gotta love the skill of receiving graciously!

If this is an area you struggle with, too, I totally get it. It’s hard to change the habits you’ve gotten so used to, but trust me, it’s worth it. You can let go of your resentment, disappointment, and loneliness. Instead, you can gain a loving, giving husband and a beautiful marriage. 

You got this!