From Nightmare to Dream Come True

Where did the dreams of my fairy-tale marriage go? I guess that’s what they were—just dreams. 

I was completely drained, physically and mentally.  Balancing two jobs, caring for the household, and looking after our son became overwhelming. Despite all my hard work, I didn't feel valued or recognized for everything I was managing. With each passing day, the sense of isolation and loneliness grew stronger.

The atmosphere at home was frigid. If only he would tear himself away from his phone, contribute to caring for our son, or strive to improve our financial situation, perhaps I could find happiness. His every action grated on my nerves, and I found seeing any of his positive attributes increasingly challenging. I grew accustomed to feeling miserable and resigned to the belief that this was how things were meant to be. 

I thought everyone else was content in their marriages, and I was simply unlucky because my own marriage was distant and cold. I maintained a facade of the "perfect marriage" for friends and family. The feeling of not being able to confide in anyone about my struggles only deepened my sense of isolation.

After being dragged to couples counseling, I was overwhelmed with fear. I turned to Laura Doyle’s book, The Empowered Wife, hoping to apply its skills. However, my solo efforts weren’t so successful, so I sought help from a Laura Doyle relationship coach.

Having the support of a coach made a significant impact. I knew that Laura’s approach was the path I wanted to take, but I struggled to implement it effectively on my own. Being able to discuss my challenges and receive guidance on using the skills made a world of difference.

The first step I took was to prioritize self-care. I used to believe that my happiness depended on others meeting my expectations, but I soon realized my mistake. It dawned on me that my responsibility was to nurture my own happiness.  Every day, I consciously tried to engage in self-care, even though it initially felt self-indulgent. It was challenging to carve out time for myself and to even remember the activities that brought me joy. I had dedicated so much time tending to everyone and everything else that I neglected my own well-being for far too long.

As I gradually rediscovered myself, I longed for the joyful and carefree person I used to be. I missed the exuberant and lighthearted version of myself from the past, and I yearned for the vitality that came with being happy. I was taught how to reconnect with that part of me.

It felt so good.

After I had reestablished my sense of self, I had the foundation to develop the rest of the skills. I began to recognize my controlling behavior, which I hadn't realized was controlling because I thought I was being helpful.  I realized I could accept help the way my husband offered it rather than insisting it be done my way. I also learned that not everything had to go my way for things to be good.

There were moments when I felt like I was falling short. It seemed like for every two steps forward, I took one step back. I had to learn to have faith in the journey and embrace that I'm not perfect—just a mere mortal woman—and that's totally okay.

Suddenly, it seemed like a magnetic pull was drawing my husband back to me. He started coming home more often and spending more time with us, and we began to enjoy each other's company again. The turning point was when my husband suggested I consider becoming a coach. It was a moment filled with joy and a profound sense of accomplishment, marking how far I had come on my journey.

I've noticed a significant transformation in how I interact with everyone in my life. These skills are crucial for nurturing any relationship, and I've embraced the shift from a mindset of control to one of trust. This change has deeply impacted my interactions with others, leading to more meaningful and authentic connections.

I now have that fairy-tale marriage of my dreams: very few arguments, if any, the best dad I could have wished for our son, and so much help around the house that I sometimes feel lazy because I'm doing so much less than I used to. I've learned how to receive. I feel so spoiled with flowers, diamond rings, and all the love he gives.